Thursday, March 30, 2017

Week by Week, 12/52: What They Said




John Paul: What does the Chinese flag look like? Can you look it up?
Me: Not right now, we probably have a book somewhere with a picture of it.
John Paul: PLEASE? I really, really need it!!

I glance over and see him holding a piece of paper on which he's written "Declaration of War"

Me: Are you planning to declare war on China?
John Paul: Hmm... Yes...
Me: Why?
John Paul, grumbling: Well... Communism...


Mary Claire: Mom, I'm wearing socks.
Me: To keep your feet warm?
Mary Claire: Mmmm well, mostly... To cover the pen on my foot.


Peter, walking happily towards me: Mom, I found a piece of candy food!
Me, suspicious: Are you sure that's candy? Can I see?
Peter, grimacing: Mm... No...
Me: So it's not food?
Peter, pulling what looks like a small woodchip out of his mouth: No...


Elizabeth: Mom, Mary Claire said A MEAN THING to me!! She said 'Ha ha ha ha ha!'
Me: ... I'm trying to get Edith down for a nap.
Elizabeth, after leaving and coming back: Mom, Mary Claire KEEPS DOING MEAN THINGS TO ME. She HIT me!!
Me, still nursing Edith in bed: Would you like to come lie in bed with us?
Elizabeth, experiencing a lightbulb moment: I'll tell her to stop!!!

You'd think that would be the first step...


Cecilia: Mom, remember when I found that potato bug and we thought it was a pregnant flea beetle?
Me: Yup, it was pretty gross. Now we know that chickens love them, so when we find them we can feed them to the chickens like we did with the Japanese beetles last year.
Mary Claire: But I *love* the Japanese beetles! I like them to perch on my hand and crawl up my arm!
Elizabeth: We'll just *study* them when we find them, and when the chickens kill them we can bring them inside to study!

Sure. Yes. Because the chickens are always killing bugs and just leaving them there...

Peter: I'm a mouse!
Me: Oh, can you squeak for me?
Peter: *blinks blankly for a few seconds* ... I'm a bunny instead.


Me: Peter, get off of Edith's tummy.
Peter, indignant: I want to LOVE her!!!


Peter: Look at my dinosaur! It's a she!
Me: Oh, is your dinosaur a girl?
Peter: No it's a he!
Mary Claire: Of course, all dinosaurs are boys. Except Maiasaura.
Me: Uh... Well, how would they have babies if they were all boys?
Mary Claire, thinking hard: Well, some dinosaurs were girls, but MOST were boys.
Elizabeth: We don't really know much about dinosaurs...

Clearly.

Cecilia: Guess what my feet smell like?
Me: What?
Cecilia: They smell like feet.


Cecilia, lecturing me: Mom, you need to learn how to embroider before you try to do any embroidery... You tried to embroider a star once, and it really didn't turn out very well because you didn't know how to embroider. So... You should really learn how to embroider before you try to embroider again...
Me: ...
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