As much as I don't want to admit it, I'm kind of a jerk.  Like, a big jerk.  And it was worse in the past.

See, I used to see (Catholic) women with their children spaced more than 3 or 4 years apart and think, "Gee, they must have been using contraception.  Why didn't they have their kids closer together?"

Or, "They can't possibly have *that* grave a reason to abstain - why don't they have kids close together like mine?"  

Or I would even ask, "When are you having more babies?" 

And of course there were those newlywed couples - the immediate question that would come to my lips was, "So when are you having kids?"

Because I thought, these are Catholic couples - of course they're open to life, so they'll want to have kids immediately!

Moms would ask questions about weaning their older babies or toddlers and I would jokingly answer, "Just get pregnant again and your supply will dry up - it's easy to wean then!"

Blissfully unaware and ignorant of the fact that infertility is far more common than I might think, and that miscarriage happens more often than one might suspect.

I had no idea how hurtful these comments (and thoughts) were.  None.  And if I've made any of these comments to you, I'm so sorry.  

And I want to plead with you to make sure that you're watching your words.  I know I post a lot about the comments people make about the relatively large size of our family, but it's the comments that come to those on the other side of things that I think are far more hurtful.

There's no way for you to know that one mom has recently miscarried, or is experiencing secondary infertility, or that that newlywed couple has been trying to get pregnant for months with no success, or maybe those parents struggled for years with the health issues of their first child before being able to get pregnant with the second, perhaps she has health issues of her own that make it dangerous to be pregnant, and yet she remains open to life.  

The circumstances aren't immediately apparent to us, and the comments that seem "safe" to make can be far more hurtful than we realize.

Ever since I started reading more and more Catholic blogs (mom blogs and general lifestyle blogs), I've realized what a jerk I've been.  Because I read far more stories about infertility or miscarriage than I'd ever heard in my life.  And I realized that I need to be much more mindful of my thoughts and words.

I think miscarriage and infertility are less taboo topics than they used to be.  And I think that's a really good thing - because how can we ever help another mother (and her family) in her suffering if we don't even know what's going on?

It may seem strange, but miscarriage is a topic I've discussed pretty often with the kids.  My sister comes to visit with prayer intentions for various unborn babies, and we've offered many prayers for other bloggers and their babies, so it's always a little distressing to them (and all of us) when that baby we've been offering prayers for dies.  And yet they seem to deal with it so well - we discuss that the baby's going to Heaven to be with Jesus, and they're always so happy to remind me that this or that baby got taken to Heaven by the angels. They speak of it more frankly than any adult I've ever known, and maybe it would be a good idea to take a page from their book.

For those of you who have experienced a pregnancy loss, my prayers are with you today.  I hope that I can support you and your family, and I apologize if I just don't have the words.  Thank you for having the courage to share your grief.

Others have said it better than I have - read Mary's posts on how to handle a miscarriage for those experiencing and those supporting for more specifics, especially how you can help.  And please join me in praying for all those touched by the loss of a pregnancy or an infant today, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

Mom Style: How to Start

Earlier this week, I stumbled upon this old Like Mother, Like Daughter post:  Five steps to feeling pretty after the baby.

And I immediately thought of Emily's recent post on the challenges of being a stay-at-home mom, where she lamented the fact that there's no reason to wear heels, and wearing "good" clothes is just asking for disaster to strike! 

And that, of course, reminded me of an old post of Jennifer Fulwiler's: The Apron: The Ultimate Symbol of a Culture of Life

I thought about how I've come to embrace dressing in skirts and dresses daily, and making an effort to put on makeup, and just how long it took me to realize that just because it's comfortable to wear yoga pants or leggings all day long doesn't mean that we're doing anyone a service by wearing that as a "mom uniform" (beyond those stages when anything goes - certain stages of pregnancy, post-partum, etc.).

So can we discuss some practical ways to make the switch from loungewear to real clothing?  After 3 pregnancies, I think that I've got this figured out to a certain extent - if I can get dressed and put on makeup every morning even with four young children underfoot, you can too!

This post contains affiliate links and referral links, which means I earn a small commission from your purchases.

1.  Clean out your closet!

Let's say you're making the switch from working mom to stay-at-home mom, and you just no longer have the need for all those skirts in suiting fabrics, or maybe those tailored button-down shirts have no hope of ever fastening over your new, more womanly figure. 

It's so hard to get rid of them.  After all, maybe you'll go back to work?  Or maybe they'll fit again once your baby is done nursing?  But I'll give you this advice:  Take stock of how your bones have moved - if it's just fat stores that are preventing certain clothing items from fitting and you can't bear to part from them, stick them in the back of the closet and try them on again in a few months.  But if your ribcage has expanded as much as mine has, you're going to have to face it:

There are some dresses you have that will never zip again.  And you don't need to keep them.

Donate them to the local thrift store, take them to a consignment shop, or try selling the nicer items to an online consignment store like ThredUp.  Just because it's in perfectly good condition doesn't mean that it has to stay in your closet - it's just taking up space and serving as a depressing reminder of how you used to look!

2.  Build a transitional wardrobe!

Let's just assume you're like me - you're pretty much constantly either pregnant or nursing.  It's almost impossible to keep up with the 12 different wardrobes you have - "normal" clothes that you're saving for when you're not pregnant or nursing (ha!), early pregnancy clothes, mid-late pregnancy clothes, larger post-partum clothes, post-partum clothes closer to your regular size, and all these things to fit different seasons!

What you need is to start shopping with this in mind:

- Is it nursing-friendly?

For me, it's just not worth buying if it's not nursing-friendly, because I'll never wear it. 

- Can I wear it for multiple stages?

Does it work for early pregnancy AND the post-partum stage?  Can you wear it all the way through a pregnancy?  Or will it only fit for those 6 weeks when I've lost all the pregnancy weight but haven't gotten pregnant again?

A slouchy sweater can easily disguise a pregnancy in the first trimester, disguise a post-partum pooch for any length of time, and is still big enough to fit a large pregnant belly - get one!

Other excellent transitional pieces:  Maxi dresses and skirts, high-waisted skirts, empire-waisted dresses that don't make you look pregnant just because you have a tiny pooch, cardigans of all shapes and sizes...

3.  Know your measurements!

Okay, your measurements might be changing constantly.  Mine sure are!  But I find that my natural waist returns to normal fairly quickly, so focusing on clothes that fit around the ribs and natural waist means I can get back in my "normal" clothes and stretch them into maternity more easily. 

AND knowing your measurements means that the inevitable online shopping will go a lot better - not every brand runs true-to-size, but you need to stop guessing, and measurements are the surest way! 

Get yourself a tape measure - my favorite is this MyoTape:


Tape Measure


4.  Build up your staples!

A denim skirt.  A shirt dress.  A wrap dress.  A maxi dress.  You know what you need to build a wardrobe that fits your personal style - find something that's good quality, not too fussy to wash, and can be used in multiple seasons.

My favorite maxi dress in the fall

And in the spring

5.  Accessorize!

Let's take this eShakti dress that could easy work in early pregnancy (that's me relaxing my stomach muscles.  I'm not pregnant.  Yikes.)

See, it hides the bump as long as you're not trying to accentuate it!

But the belt really helps the look.

Belt it, knot the shirt, add a scarf...  A few scarves are a fabulous addition to a mom wardrobe, since you can cover that newfound cleavage, have a makeshift nursing cover, a drool/burp rag, etc.

Go from this:

To this:

6.  Shoes matter, too!

I was scared of heels for quite some time after I had John Paul - my feet had grown and none of my old shoes fit, and those heels just weren't very comfortable anymore...

But there's so much more to shoes than my old staple pointed-toe pumps!  Wedges can be VERY comfortable, and add a bit more of a "grown-up" feel than sandals.  And if you're going to wear sandals, find something a little nicer than my old staple Old Navy flip flops, because I guarantee you that's what all the local middle school girls will be wearing!

See if you can find a good boot that you can dress up and down, a comfy flat that you can walk in, and whatever else you might think is worth buying. 

7.  Whatever happens, don't be afraid to return it!

If it doesn't fit, find time to go to the post office (or schedule a pickup, they DO that now and you can just leave it on your porch!) or the store and return it.  Do not leave that ill-fitting sweater in your closet just because you're too lazy to send it back (am I the only one who has done that?).

Are you ready?  It's time to stop being afraid to wear anything nice just because it might get dirty - clothes are meant to be worn!  Grab a few cute aprons (I wear one almost all day long when I'm at home...) to protect yourself from the inevitable, and get ready to look fabulous enough every day that you actually want to leave the house!

Linking up with Conversion Diary with my not-so-quick takes...  Because I'm up to 7 rules, and I might as well stop there, right?

Theme Thursday: Double

Just like Abbey, I saw "Double" as this week's theme and immediately thought, "I've got this!  Twins!"

So I got out the camera and tried and TRIED to take a decent picture of them together.

Tried.

I really did.

But you know what's REALLY hard?  Getting two almost-walking babies to hold still for more than 1.5 seconds...  The best I could get was this shot before the camera battery died:

So since I just shared a few of my favorites in this post, I went back through the archives looking for more of my favorite twin pictures!

Just a few days old

A pretty accurate representation of their relationship...



Double snacks

Double smiles!

Double reach

Double giggles

Thank goodness for these pictures, because life has been ROUGH this week with two teething and miserable babies who both want to be carried all the time...  I wore both of them to make dinner last night and my back was killing me after only about 20 minutes!  40+ lbs of baby demanding to be bounced and sung to while I chopped potatoes will do that to a body...

Anyway, enough whining.  Check out more "Double" at Clan Donaldson!

The Hidden Superpowers of Babies

I think we're all familiar with the better-known characteristics of babies:  The incredible smell, the squishable cuddles, the adorable sounds they make in their sleep...  But there are some lesser-known superpowers that they all seem to acquire at some point during their first few months of existence.  If you read these, I think you'll know what I'm talking about.

 

1.  Uncanny knowledge of your social media posts

"Did you see that last tweet?" "Yeah!  She told everyone we were sleeping through the night - time to stop!"

Are you one of those who tweets or posts gleefully about some recent accomplishment?  Baby sleeping for more than 7 minutes by himself, baby not needing to nurse every 45 minutes for the first time, baby allowing herself to be put down in the crib to sleep instead of in your bed, mashed into your armpit, baby making it through Mass without having to be taken out more than 17 times for that gleeful, though ear-piercing shriek...

"I'm so happy!  I got more than 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep!" You post.


Your baby knows it.  And rather than letting you get a swelled head and think that you have somehow acquired a baby who sleeps, baby puts you in your place.

Say good bye to any sleep in the coming days - you jinxed yourself! 

They see you when you're tweeting.  Just don't share.  Then you'll have a chance at continued success!


2.  Psychic ability to detect the number of diapers in your diaper bag at all times

"Ha!  One diaper for both of us!"  "I knew I'd been saving up for this day..."

Go out of the house for 3 hours with 7 extra diapers packed?  Baby happily stays dry. 

Dare to venture out to the grocery store for a quick trip, failing to pack the diaper bag?

Giant blowout.  Up the back.  Down the legs.  All over YOUR clothes.

 

It's a rule.  Always be prepared - if you're not, they will poop.


3.  Creative ability to turn non-toys into toys at will

"I don't care what you've set out for me.  I'm eating grass and that's that."

Let's face it - you might as well buy an extra set of measuring cups, an extra whisk, an extra basting brush, an extra set of mixing bowls...  Your baby will confiscate these kitchen tools for herself and you will never get them back. 

Face the inevitable - they know what you need to use to make dinner.  And it is the only thing they will want to play with. 

Be prepared.  You might as well register for your baby shower at Bed, Bath & Beyond instead of Babies 'R Us.  The most expensive toys will gather dust in the corner as your baby sucks on the turkey baster on an hourly basis.


4.  Advanced textile knowledge

"Hand wash only!"  "Score!  You puke on her, I'll try to poop out my leg holes!"

Wearing sweats and an old t-shirt?  You can pretty much guarantee you're not getting dirty.

Dare to change into that dry clean-only silk dress on the way out the door?

Puke down your cleavage.  I guarantee it.

They know what requires the most effort to wash and they will do their best to get it dirty!


5.  Constant knowledge of your schedule

Finally have a chance to sleep in?  Baby's up at 5 AM. 

Need to leave the house early?  Baby sleeps in until 9.

"Ohh...  You needed to be somewhere?  Just hang on while I take a four-hour nap, mmk?"

They do it out of love - they want to keep you on your toes, you know?

What do you think, anything missing? 

A Typical Sunday Morning + What I Wore

It's been quite a while since I bored everyone with a minute-by-minute recap of our day.  So...  Why not try to lose a few readers right this second with some boring boringness!

Here's a pretty typical Sunday for us:

3:30 AM:  Wake up to nurse Mary Claire (who has been asleep since 7:30 - not too shabby).  Consider waking Elizabeth to nurse her, but decide to see if she'll last until morning on her own.

3:50 AM:  Go downstairs to get back in bed.  Hear Elizabeth fussing upstairs (asleep since 7, woke to nurse at 11).

4:15 AM:  Finish nursing Elizabeth, grab some water from the fridge only to have an open box of crackers fall on my head, spilling crackers on the floor.  Leave them there as a morning treat for the big kids.  Back to sleep.

6 AM:  Elizabeth is awake.  Andrew brings her to bed and I nurse her briefly, at which point she has decided to giggle and coo.  Andrew puts her upstairs in the swing.

6:45 AM:  Mary Claire is awake for the day.  Nurse her and get some toys for her to play with.

7:05 AM:  Elizabeth is awake, too.  Start getting breakfast ready for all 4 kids, stick cinnamon rolls (from a tube) in the oven for a Sunday treat.

7:15 AM:  Big kids are up and John Paul is already whining.  Clearly it's gonna be an awesome day.  Tell big kids that they may have some cinnamon roll after they finish their breakfast (frozen waffle, kiwi, apple, yogurt with cereal - trying to cram them full of food before Mass).

7:40 AM:  Eat half a cinnamon roll and drink some coffee while Andrew puts away dishes.  Head downstairs to get dressed while he gets all 4 kids cleaned up and dressed.

7:50 AM:  Cecilia walks into the room as I'm changing my underwear.  "Wemember not to poop on me, Mom!" she exclaims.  I promise you I have never forgotten.

8:10 AM:  Big kids are dressed and ready to go to Mass.  John Paul has eaten all of his breakfast and gotten some cinnamon roll.  Cecilia has had a cup of milk, a slice of apple, and a few bites of yogurt.  Grab John Paul's MagnifiKid and some mass worksheets that Andrew printed, and get the big kids buckled.

8:20 AM:  Arrive at Mass to see a man putting out a "Coffee and Donuts" sign.  Bribe, bribe, bribe the kids to do an awesome job at Mass.

8:25 AM:  Walk into Mass and let John Paul pick the pew.  Watch him walk forward, forward, forward, until he decides on the very front pew directly behind where the priests and altar boys sit (churches built in the round: WHY???).  Threaten, threaten, threaten that behavior must be ABSOLUTELY perfect or Father will hear them and be VERY disappointed.

We actually got through Mass relatively unscathed - John Paul had a sudden desperate bathroom emergency at the end of the Homily, but we missed very little and weren't *too* distracting as we exited and entered.

9:25 AM:  Donuts & apple juice for the kids, who didn't even come CLOSE to fighting the entire Mass, and whispered and said most of the prayers.  Hallelujah!

 

Dress:  H&M

Shirt:  Kohl's

Belt:  Kohl's

Shoes:  DSW

 

Cecilia's dress was an awesome consignment find yesterday, John Paul's is clearance Janie & Jack.

 

Linking up with Fine Linen and Purple for What I Wore Sunday - check it out, Christy's guest-hosting this week and I love her blog!  She's one that has even more on her plate than I do, and I love being able to commiserate!

9:40 AM:  Back home to a silent house - babies both still napping, Andrew getting ready for Mass.  Take a quick picture with the kids, grab them lollipops (yes, they already got donuts...  But we weren't prepared for that as a reward and they did a LOT better than usual, so they got two treats...), and get changed into nursing-friendly clothes.  Lament the fact that all my comfy skirts are dirty.  Put on leggings and an oversized shirt with the promise to change later if we go out.

9:45 AM:  Elizabeth is awake after a lengthy 35-minute nap.  Of course.  Nurse, nurse, nurse, while trying to get the big kids to stay at the table with their lollipops.

9:55 AM:  Andrew comes upstairs, dressed and ready to go, only to see that John Paul has stopped up the bathroom sink and left the water running, flooding the floor.  John Paul and Andrew (mostly Andrew) clean it up and Andrew leaves for rehearsal and Mass.

10:15 AM:  John Paul and Cecilia change out of their Mass clothes into sweatpants and a polo shirt (John Paul) and a long-sleeved trapeze dress (Cecilia).  Current temperature:  86 degrees.  Vatever. 

10:25 AM:  Wake Mary Claire up so that her schedule doesn't get too far off from Elizabeth's.  Attempt to nurse her in her bedroom so that Elizabeth doesn't notice and demand to nurse again.  Make it approximately 3 minutes before Elizabeth comes in to join us.  Change diapers and take babies to the playroom to nurse.  For once they don't try to gouge out each other's eyes - they hold hands and gently paw at my stretch marks, since my belly is usually not exposed to them. 

John Paul notices that it's snack time, and fetches a giant bag of frozen vegetables as his snack.  I fill a bowl and he eats most of it before getting distracted.  Cecilia eats another apple slice from her breakfast plate.

10:45 AM:  All 4 kids are quietly occupied, so I sneak to the bathroom for a child-free experience.  Reach for the toilet paper to realize that it is nice and damp from John Paul's plumbing escapades.  And people PAY for wet wipes.  Ha!

10:48 AM:  Reluctantly leave the bathroom when I hear cries coming from the playroom.  Mary Claire and Elizabeth are fighting over John Paul's belt, which he so thoughtfully left on the floor for them to play with.  Send Cecilia to put it away.

Aaaand this is what the playroom looks like...

11:20 AM:  After reading various books and playing with various toys and nursing on and off, I help Cecilia switch the pink doll shirt from Brown Bear to Bubble Puppy.  She puts Bubble Puppy in a plastic bin in the tent for naptime, and I rescue the babies as she gets VERY upset that they might dare to disturb Bubble Puppy's slumber.  I notice that it's getting close enough to lunchtime to justify starting early, so I offer choices:  PB&J or leftover pizza.

PB&J, they both choose.  Only then I remember that for the first time in YEARS, we are out of jelly.  Soooo I take quick stock of the fridge and realize that we have week-old leftover chicken and broccoli, along with last night's leftover penne.  A quick skillet meal and a rare hot lunch, and we're ready to eat.

11:40 AM:  I throw the babies in their high chairs with crackers while I finish getting food ready for the big kids.  For once I don't strip the babies down, because Elizabeth is wearing a sweater dress with a neck hole that's *just* a little too small, so it's not worth the effort.  Maybe bibs will work this time?  Cecilia starts eating the rest of her fruit from breakfast (the yogurt was long ago thrown in the sink, don't worry) and John Paul gets some cold pizza as an "appetizer."  Big kids are served, babies are served (cold pizza, apple slices, and the rest of John Paul's now-thawed frozen veggies for them).

11:50 AM:  John Paul and Cecilia are pretending to be characters from The Magic School Bus - I make a mental note that this time she is Dorothy Ann and he is Carlos.  I remind Cecilia that she still needs to eat her food.  They notice their crowns that they made for Mary's Coronation and decide to wear those during lunch.

11:55 AM:  Mary Claire's tray is empty - I rescue all the food she has dropped from her lap and her tray is full again.  Remind Cecilia to eat.

12:00:  Contemplate getting lunch for myself, but realize that anything I want to eat, the kids will want to eat.  I don't like sharing.

12:05:  Rescue more food from Mary Claire's lap.  Remind Cecilia to eat.

12:10:  Cecilia is now wearing thigh-high knit socks my grandmother made, John Paul is wearing a robot costume.  Tell John Paul to finish his last bite, remind Cecilia to eat.

12:15:  John Paul is done and straps on his snow boots to play in the back yard (current temperature:  92 degrees), in hopes that the neighbor boys will want to come play with him.  Rescue Mary Claire from the high chair and give her leftovers to Elizabeth.  Bib effectiveness?  Approximately 50% of the food still ended up working its way under the bib.

Bubble Puppy is watching her on top of the table so that the babies don't get him

12:20:  Cecilia is now wearing her Halloween costume and sitting at the table eating her breakfast waffle.  Mary Claire is crawling under Elizabeth's high chair eating what she drops.  John Paul is bellow-whining from the back yard because the neighbor boys aren't home.

12:25:  Give Cecilia one more bite and tell her it's potty and naptime. 

12:28:  Cecilia wants to nap in just her underwear.

12:30:  Cecilia has changed into a different dress and decided to wear her new patterned skirt underneath.  Give John Paul his camera and send him outside to take pictures while Mary Claire gazes longingly out the window at him.



What can I say, I've raised a fashion icon?

12:35:  Cecilia wants to nap in her original trapeze dress.

12:40:  Change Elizabeth's diaper, attempt to nurse her until John Paul bursts in to take a picture of me, put her down in the swing for a nap.

Nap #1, check!

12:45:  Check on Mary Claire and see that she's playing quietly.  Read to Cecilia (Amelia Bedelia Sleeps Over, "Because dere are girls, just wike me!"), pray, and sing. 

Nap #2, check!

12:50:  John Paul is doing a potty dance while taking pictures.  Order him to the bathroom, only to have him stall until he pees a tiny bit in his underwear.  Take him downstairs to get a new pair from the dryer and camera time is over.

12:55:  Read John Paul his choice of story (Jesus is Taken to the Tomb), pray, sing.

Nap #3, check!

1:05:  Change Mary Claire's diaper, nurse her, put her in swing to nap.

Nap #4, check!

1:10:  Make myself a salad, cheese, crackers, and apple for lunch.  Sit down and start writing this out until Andrew gets home!

Whew!  I'll stop there - this is way too long already and our day gets less hectic once we have a 2:1 child:adult ratio.  If you made it to the end, I'm amazed!