I'm not an angry person. I've never been a "yeller" and my tolerance level is generally through the roof. But these past couple of years, I've found my patience wearing thinner and thinner. I've despaired at the lack of control I have over my life. The thoughts in my mind (that I don't share with you because I don't use this blog as a vent) have become increasingly rude at the slightest issue. I found myself berating myself for the ridiculous impatience I was exhibiting while driving the other day. And I realized that something needs to change.
When did I become such an angry person?
This Lent I'm taking it upon myself to live life joyfully. It doesn't seem penitential, I know, and in fact kind of seems contrary to the purpose of the season... But I need to reset. This resentment of my children, the fact that I go off the handle at the slightest sign of disobedience or the constant clinginess, the sighs and moans and groans when I have to get up to change another diaper or wipe another bottom or get another cup of milk or wash another dish... I need to take these everyday moments and remind myself that right now in my life is a time that I am constantly serving the least of Jesus' people.
So I'm going to take this season to love love love these children that God has so generously blessed us with. When I feel myself ready to snap, I'm going to take a deep breath, pray, and try to speak with words of love and understanding.
I'm going to focus on prayer and scripture study with my children, because I need to become like a child. We're going to be studying Sunday's readings throughout the week before - John Paul and Cecilia are both fascinated by any and all Bible stories, and I've found discussing these stories with them to be so good for me, too. As much as I want to embrace some sort of deep spiritual reading for myself, I just can't at this stage. So I'm catechizing myself through catechesis of my children. Will you join us? Here are this Sunday's readings.
I'm hoping this Lent will be a turning point and that through prayer, fasting, and almsgiving I can bring more joy to our lives. Will you pray for me?
Oh and quick Public Service Announcement: Please remember that pregnant and nursing moms are exempt from fasting, and especially if you are nursing and think, "No sweat, I can still handle fasting!" please do not. Last year I thought I could do it, even though I was exclusively nursing 3-month-old twins - I felt terrible AND my milk supply took a huge hit even with just one day of fasting. It took over a week to bounce back from that bad decision - find another way to fast, whether it be fasting from your smartphone, social media, television, etc. Your babies need you to eat!