Monday, October 31, 2011

These twos sure are terrible...

John Paul had perhaps his most ridiculous temper tantrum today.  Behold, the ultimate unreasonable toddler:

-  Yesterday we went to the mall and he was VERY happy to be "shopping" because it meant he got to go up and down escalators.  I told him we were going to Costco today.

-  This morning he was convinced we were going to the mall again, because he wanted to.

"We goin...  We goiiiiin...?"  "We're going to Costco" "UNH!  We goin...  to...."  "We're going to Costco."  "UNH!!!" "Okay, where are we going?"  "We goin...  to...  shoppin'!"  "Yes, we're going shopping at Costco."

-  We get in the car and drive to Costco.  We stop at someone's house on the way there to pick up a freecycle item.  John Paul is convinced that is Costco.  We pull into the Costco parking lot.

John Paul starts SOBBING.  "NO!!!  DO NOT WANT TO GO TO COSTCO!!!"

I assumed he just wanted to listen to his CD for longer - he freaks out when we get home from any car ride because he wants to keep listening to music.  So I drove around for a while longer, hoping he'd calm down.  He didn't.

I stopped the car.  Kid is still sobbing.  I get Cecilia out of the car and into the Ergo.  John Paul is still sobbing.   "DO NOT WANT TO GO TO COSTCO WANT TO GO SHOPPIN'!!!"

I tell him it's not his choice, we're going to Costco.  And there are samples!  Maybe they will have candy!  We can look at the pretty flowers!

Nothing is working.  I pick him up and carry him to the carts.  I put him down to get a cart and he makes a run for the parking lot.  How he thinks he'll be able to unlock the car, load us all into it, and drive to the mall is beyond me.

I run after him (Cecilia strapped to me) and pick him up.  He is kicking and screaming.  People are walking by to enter the store and I don't even *want* to know what they're thinking.

He falls to the ground, lying on his back (this is concrete - WHY does he think this is comfortable or appropriate?) kicking and screaming.  I am still trying to reason/bribe.  Samples!  Candy!  We can get french fries!  There is a water fountain!

Wait.  That's what did it?  Yes, he's fine going in because there's a water fountain.

Seriously?

So I load him into the cart and we go in.  The water fountain is on the other side of the check out, so I tell him we'll go get some after we buy our things.

We shop.  He cries about the following things:

1.  Picking out new footie pajamas.  He does not WANT to pick out new footie pajamas.  He does not want ME to pick out new footie pajamas.  Cecilia DOES NOT DESERVE new footie pajamas!

2.  WHERE IS THAT GOSH DARNED WATER FOUNTAIN???

3.  NO Cecilia can NOT get in the cart with me!

4.  WHY will Cecilia not HUG ME AND KISS ME THE WAY I WANT TO BE LOVED???

5.  WATER FOUNTAIN!!!!!!!!!!!

We buy our things.  I am thankful that I brought an apple with me - there were no samples out yet, so I kept the kids satisfied with apple slices.  We are on the way out of the store when suddenly he remembers - the water fountain!

We go to the water fountain.  I let him out of the cart.  He pushes the button once, giggles, and starts walking away.

10 feet from the water fountain, he starts whining again...  "Water fountain!!!"

SERIOUSLY, kid?  You were JUST at the water fountain.  YOU started walking away!  WE CAN GO BACK, I DO NOT CARE!

He doesn't want to go back, he just wants to whine about not being at the water fountain.  He is still walking away, tears in his eyes, whining about the water fountain.  I am getting sick of this.  I pick him up and put him in the cart.

I buy us a churro for $1 and we're good.  Why did I not think of this to begin with?

So, while the kid is a super-genius, he has also proven that he is very likely to rival his Uncle Timmy for most ridiculous and unreasonable temper tantrums.  Some of my favorites of Timmy's were the following:

1.  Timmy, it's time to go to school.  You are wearing no underwear and a pair of baby shorts with a hole in the crotch.  You need to change clothes (FREAK OUT!!!  CRY AND SCREAM!).

2.  Timmy, you need to pack something in your lunch besides a moldy orange (FREAK OUT!!!  CRY AND SCREAM!).

3.  Timmy, you need to change your clothes.  You can't wear Rosie's skintight bellbottoms to your first day of high school (FREAK OUT!!!  CRY AND SCREAM!).  *Okay, I exaggerated - he was in like, 5th grade

What do you think?  Typical two-year-old, or sign of things to come?

2 comments :

  1. John Paul is anything but typical, but yeah, that sounds like a day that a little kid would have. You and Meg both had some super-whopper tantrums at about that age.

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  2. Both - typical two year old (maybe a bit on the difficult side, as I was)and sign of things to come! I hate to say it, but unfortunately the terrible twos last beyond the just the twos. But then when they become teenagers, we might just wish they were two again.

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