Reading: Just Don't Do It

Things are getting displaced as we pack up the house for next week's move, and things that were formerly hidden are getting unearthed...

For instance, remember that naughty picture book that was so popular a couple of years ago?  Well, some friends got it as a gag birthday present for John Paul's 2nd birthday.  We read it, laughed, and set it out of sight.

Well, shortly after John Paul learned to read, he found that book...  Luckily he didn't get far before I rescued the book, hid it on a high bookshelf behind a bunch of other books, and didn't give it a second thought.

And John Paul reminded me again today WHY I wish he didn't know how to read (read 10 more reasons here).  He spied the book peeking over the top of the bookshelf. 

"OH! I want to read the NEW book.  I want to read the tiger book."

Yup.  He found it again.  Thankfully the title was hidden, so I didn't have to explain what "Go the F*** to Sleep" means.

But it reminded me of a few more reasons NOT to teach your child to read:

1.  No more spelling secret words.  Ever.

If I want to talk about going to the l-i-b-r-a-r-y or eating a c-o-o-k-i-e, this little turd knows exactly what I'm spelling, usually before I'm evem done spelling it.  There are no secrets anymore.

2.  Awkward conversations with cashiers.

John Paul reads every name tag when we're at the store.  And then I have to explain to him why "Stepheny" is pronounced "Stephanie" and not "Steven-y" (Because her parents were morons who didn't know how to spell?).  Or how to pronounce some confusing ethnic name.  Or we just can't leave the store because another employee is bringing all his friends with their nametags by so that John Paul (almost 3 at the time) can sound out their names.

3.  Mass freak outs.

Oh, he KNOWS what the priest is supposed to say for the Collect.  Any variation and he freaks out. 

And the Gospel Acclamation better be the version written in his MagnifiKid, not the alternate words.  Otherwise?  You better believe he freaks the heck out. 

And if we don't sing *every* verse of *every* hymn?

You betcha.  That's a freak out.

And while, yes, literacy has its advantages, I am extremely happy that Cecilia shows no interest in learning how to read.